Somehow, I missed out on the whole Pokemon thing.
It would have been right up my alley when I was a kid, too — only… I never had a Game Boy. It wasn’t until 2014, no less than sixteen years behind the curve, that I plugged Pokemon Blue into my brand new GBA and took the first step on my PokeJourney.
I got about twenty hours or so into the game before the battery in the game cart died and my save file was erased. So that was the end of my PokeJourney. Until now.
Rather than redo the bits of Pokemon Blue that I’ve already played, I figured I’d hop right into the next generation. Plus, I’ve been told by reliable sources that Generation II is the best one. So it’s on to Pokemon Silver. Why not Crystal… or Gold? Because silver is way cooler than gold and crystal, obviously.
I really have no idea what I’m about to get myself into.
Sure, I played Blue, but I made it maybe halfway through the game. I don’t know anything about Pokemon. With a few exceptions, I still have no clue which Pokemon evolves into what. I don’t know what most of the attacks do. I have zero idea which types are good against which — except the obvious, like Water is good against Fire, Fire is good against Ice, and… I think Plant or whatever is good against Rock?
Beyond that really pathetic knowledge of the mechanics, I’m going in blind. No guides. No wikis.
Is this a terrible idea? Yes. But just in case it wasn’t terrible enough, let’s add one more factor: Nuzlocke.
If you’re not familiar with the Nuzlocke Challenge, the two core rules are:
- If a Pokemon faints, it’s dead. You have to release it the next chance you get.
- You can only catch the first Pokemon you encounter in any area.
Then there’s some additional rules that are generally accepted among Nuzlockers, like…
- You must name all the Pokemon you catch (to increase the attachment factor).
- If you black out/white out, you‘re dead. Game over, man.
- And obviously, resetting the game isn’t allowed.
I’m just going to make three small changes. One: In the hopes of more party variety, if the first Pokemon I see is one that I already have, I’ll keep trying until I run into something new. Two: Since I’m patently awful at Pokemon, in the event of a black out, the run’s not necessarily over. If I have stored Pokemon, I’ll keep going; all the ones that were with me at the time are still dead, of course.
And finally: the naming convention we’re going with will be classic Final Fantasy characters. Because this LP isn’t nerdy enough already.
There’s also the whole blind run thing, which I suppose you could consider a rule.
So the five golden rules of the playthrough, all in one place:
- Permadeath. Fainted Pokemon are gone forever.
- Only the first Pokemon encountered in any area may be caught, unless I already have it, in which case I can retry until I run into something new.
- All my Pokemon must be named after pre-FFX Final Fantasy characters.
- No resets, natch.
- This is totally blind. I can’t so much as glance at any guides, wikis, or FAQs (or get tips from other players), even for stuff that should be common knowledge — like type-advantages.
Ready to watch me embarrass myself in front of an internet full of people who know infinitely more about Pokemon than I do? Awesome!
Welcome to the chronicles of an idiot: a Pokemon newbie attempting a Nuzlocke run. Will this idiot survive? Or will he die five minutes into the game? It’s anyone’s guess, really!
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Pikachu Is a Punk
Chapter 2: A Wild PokeVirgin Appears!
Chapter 3: Go Forth and Commit Animal Abuse!
Chapter 4: For the Birds
Chapter 5: Two Sheep Yell At Each Other
Chapter 6: The Slowpoke Slaughterhouse
Chapter 7: Wil Wheaton Owes Me a Nidoran
Chapter 8: The Episode Where Definitely Nothing Catastrophic Happens
Chapter 9: Call It a Comeback
Chapter 10: Ghosts Don’t Like It When You Chew On Them
Chapter 11: Rat Grylls, If You Will
Chapter 12: Welcome to Rageville, USA!
Chapter 13: 500 Years of Elton John
Chapter 14: Rocket Radio!
Chapter 15: Legendary Smegendary
Chapter 16: Just Lame It Out
Chapter 17: Sins of the Game Freak
Chapter 18: There Has Never Been a More Timely Time Than This
Chapter 19: Lame It Out 2: Lame Harder
Chapter 20: What We Do In PokéLife Echoes in PokÉternity
Chapter 21: Kanto, Land of Disappointment