Silent Storm — Mission 15: Yep, They Make Swords For Panzerkleins

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ss_portrait_zinaidaThat settles it. If Thor’s Hammer can mass produce panzerkleins, we need to end their operation for good.

ss_portrait_doughatDon’t be hasty! I’d, um… very much like to see what else these suits can do.

ss_portrait_bogeyYeah, why head home when the six of us can basically win the war by ourselves?

ss_portrait_zinaidaThat’s not our job. While the Allies and the Axis duke it out, Thor’s Hammer can grow unopposed. Whichever side wins the war, they won’t be able to stand up to the Hammer. This is not about the war. It’s about what happens afterward.

ss_portrait_bogeyYou’re right, I guess. But…

ss_portrait_doughatBut we’re a few blocks away from a German weapons factory…

ss_portrait_gatorSo… while we’re in the neighborhood…

ss_portrait_bogeyImagine how many things we could blow up!

ss_portrait_zinaidaFine. If it will shut you up, you boys can have five more minutes of play time.

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We found out about this factory a few missions ago, but it’s not really an important target anymore. The engines for Koch’s rocket ship were made here, and all sorts of newfangled weapons are presumably being constructed here as well, but the panzerkleins? The scientists working on those are up in Russia, and the factory that’s actually producing them — probably in Switzerland.

So this mission is fairly pointless. It’s mostly just another chance to destroy a whole lot of stuff with our wildly overpowered PKs.

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Er… if everything wasn’t already destroyed. What.

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Yeah, the entire factory is rubble. It’s been attacked, but by who we don’t know.

One of the guards who’s left mistakes us for the attackers — and sounds the alarm.

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ss_portrait_bogeyCouldn’t you have shot that guy a second sooner?

ss_portrait_viperSorry, boss. Th’ cutscene froze up ma trigger finger.

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Whatever damage the place has sustained, it’s still got a sizable standing force. I’d be concerned, except…

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We’ve got one better.

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Yeah, I think we’ll be fine.

The enemies are all over the place. They pop out of holes in every building and they’re shooting down from the roofs.

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We’d be in actual danger if it wasn’t for the PKs. While Zinaida and Doug forge ahead in their suits, Viper handles the soldiers on the rooftops.

Half a dozen dead bodies later, we’ve made it to the burnt out truck where the command staff is hanging out.

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Well, that’s a few more dead bodies right there. We’re just a bunch of murderers here on Team Bogey.

So we’ve completed one of our objectives, if anyone actually cares.

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The PKs head inside the main building to find the documents for the other one.

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It’s not any less destroyed in there. Whoever was here before us was thorough.

Makes me almost feel bad to finish these guys off after they just survived such a massive assault minutes before we got here.

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Almost.

In the basement, we find a bunch of panzerklein weapons… Including a giant sword.

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But it doesn’t seem like most of them will work with our PKs, and the sword, as radical as it is, would never be much use. Oh well.

Also down here — our second objective:

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GENERAL UWE B–

O-oh.

Oh. Nevermind. I got really excited there, but it looks like the facility is commanded by Uwe Muller, not Uwe Boll.

Man, that would have explained all the holes around here. And why no one had any idea what was going on. And also why you could have skipped this whole episode and not missed anything important.

…get it? Like a Uwe Boll movie?

On to the next episode!
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